Saturday, January 29, 2011

Someone open that window....please!

I want to let out a big cry this morning, but everything in me is saying "don't do it!"  It will be my one month anniversary in a few days and though I am enjoying the certain perks of unemployment, I find myself getting extremely nervous and upset over the past 48 hours.  Now this could because I have been hibernating in my home for the past few days or that I am currently experiencing PMS, but as much as I try not think about bills and making ends meet, I can't help not to.

It didn't help this morning, when I expressed these concerns to someone and his response was
 "Yeah, I would be scared too, if I were you."  Not exactly the support or encouragement I was looking for.  Hence why right now, as I sip my coffee on this Saturday morning, I want to cry.

How long is this going to last?  The common and classic advice I keep getting is "when a door closes, a new window opens."  My response to that is, it's f#@#!@! cold out and no one is opening any windows!






 

Friday, January 28, 2011

The Process and Age

As you can imagine, I have been filling out many online job applications over the past few weeks.            It's very time consuming and when you hear nothing from these different companies and institutions, one may wonder if it was even worth the hours put in.

If you are not in the unemployment club, you may not realize the tedious steps that need to take place each time you want to submit your resume to a particular job.  There are questionnaires and lengthy profiles that can take up to 10 minutes before even getting your resume up.  Stupid questions, that pretty much make me repeat the same information that is on my resume.  These career links should let us fill out the basic stuff and proceed with the resume submission.  Last week, it was taking so long to complete one,  I started to drift off and then proceeded to click out.  They keep sending me emails telling me I need to complete the online profile.  *&*! them!  I feel like writing and telling them they need to change their system

If that is not frustrating enough, I have come to the painfully realization that I am getting old.  Yes, I know, many of you are rolling your eyes and thinking you are not even 30, but when it comes to selecting the year of my birth, 1983 seems to have gotten farther down on the scroll bar.  I didn't realize it at first, but as I continue to go online, I am noticing that there are a lot of younger peeps out there.   When did this happen?  My year use to be at the top of the list!

It felt like it was yesterday that I just became old enough to drive a car and now I am falling in that too old category.  I suggested an idea to Ian that I try out for the MTV show Real World, but Ian quickly brought it to my attention that I was TOO OLD.  What!!  How can it be that I am in the age bracket that prohibits me from going on a reality show where all you do is talk about your roommates, work a mindless job, eat, drink, and sleep.


Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Strength in Numbers

As our glasses clinked and a toast was made to friendship, I was overwhelmed with sadness and joy of what I was witnessing before me; a true testament of the strength that radiates through the bonds of girlfriends.  That night, I sat with two of my dearest friends. Through laughter and tears our friendship has grown.  We have played all the roles to one another at some time; the cheerleader, the consoler, the supporter, the confused, and the depressed.  And though currently, we are all trying to keep each other afloat during recent hardships, we have experienced much happiness together as well.  We have had our share of celebrations with libations during the  momentous chapters in our lives.  To graduations, birthdays, engagements, career changes, and kids, all have brought lifelong memories.

This night was long overdue and much needed.  It was a girl power energy reload session. Kid free and open bar.  We could drink, curse, and eat as we pleased.  Like most gatherings, we worked our way through the cheese course, while finishing a bottle of wine.  As the three of us went around, updating on the past weekly events; laughter, frustrations, and fears were expressed.  As I started to sip my third glass of wine, I stared at the women across from me, and felt helpless.  For my unemployment situation is worrisome and problematic,  but it is just a hiccup compared to what my dear friends are facing.  Sitting around the dining room table, we grieved painful past memories and reminisced about the joyful ones.  We reaffirmed to one another the necessity of  survival and the support that will always be there as we go through the chapters of life.

The well being of the mind, body and soul is essential to live the balanced and prosperous life one should being living. And if you don't make those hard decisions and do what is needed, it will prevent you from ever reaching that balance in life, which is so essential to truly living.  When you surround yourself with extraordinary friends, like these women, positive energy and support fills your spirit, which puts you in the right mind set to achieve and maintain balance.

There is something very different between women and men, which I know many would agree on, but this difference can be spotted between the two sexes even more when crisis hits.  The reactions and coping mechanisms vary greatly.  For us women, discussing our fears, anger, and sadness permits our spirits and minds to handle and find solutions to the problems.  We are then more receptive for the positive energy to flow through us and make the necessary changes needed to turn the negative situation into a more tolerable or manageable one.  Now, I am not saying that your boyfriends, fiances, or husbands, can not help or comfort you through challenging times, but their methods and mechanisms differ, and though they may bring a sense assurance and support, I know personally I could have never gotten over roadblocks without the therapy and support received from my girlfriends.

The women in my life, from all ages and backgrounds, impact and shape the being I am.  I do not feel that one ever stays the same, but through lessons of life, influence of others, and exposure to the truth, individuals keep evolving to be the woman or man God wants them to be.

You may ask, why aren't we just born that way? My answer to that is just this; we would not appreciate the triumphs and beauty in succeeding and overcoming the challenges.  We would also take for granted the people in our life and overlook the power and influence they bring.

As our girl's weekend came to end, we departed rejuvenated and refreshed.  After giving  good-bye hugs and planning our next get together, I could not help, but feel a peace in my spirit.  I was reassured as I left that day,  that no matter where the road takes us or what barracks try to hold us back, with the help and support  of those closest to us, we will always make it.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Therapy

There are different forms of therapy I would suggest to overcome the mundane and every day routine that unemployment brings.  Besides the normal methods typically suggested, such as exercising, yoga, and writing in a journal, I will present you with this.  

I must warn you that you may be at risk of falling, if it not performed in a cautious manner.  
My suggestion; DANCING.  Singing in the shower is something that we all can admit to doing at some point.  Last week, as I was feeling a bit down and exhausted from the job searching on the computer, I decided to put some happy go lucky music on.  As the song “Don’t Worry Be Happy” filled the steamy bathroom, I became hypnotized by the words and the addictive upbeat whistling.  Before I knew it, I was two stepping in my tub, whistling and singing. While sporting my fluffy pink and purple robe,  I proceeded to rock out to a few more songs in front of my mirror.  The more I danced, not only did I realize how out of shape I am, more importantly,  I felt this rush of excitement and inspiration.  The  instruments were speaking to me with each note they played and a burst of energy hit my spirit.   
Give it a shot.  Do it naked, do it with clothes on, either way just dance and release the tension, anxieties, and worries that are weighing on you.  

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

My Heros

As I laid on the couch last evening facing another night of insomnia, I heard something coming from the kitchen.  I quickly sat up thinking it was possibly the surround sound, but when I hit mute, I soon discovered it was anything but.  There was something in my kitchen sink and who knows where else.  Fear took over and I couldn't bear to go where the intruder could be lurking around.

As the hair on my arms raised and the little girl in me came out, I ran upstairs to awake my ever so faithful protective dog and my big strong fiance. "Ian, Ian!" nothing.  I looked at Birdie and pleaded with her to come downstairs to fight off the hairy or spiny creature in the kitchen.  As I yanked on her collar, trying to pull out of her plush baby blue bed, she gave me a look as if she was telling me to go #@$% myself.  I tried Ian again and when I got a "uh" I thought he was coming to, but I was wrong!  After pleading for one last time, the sleeping beauty just laid there all cozy in the down comforter, with not even a peep.  At this point, I figured I had to face this alone.

I went down the spiral staircase, frightened of what could be possibly now in the living room.  I stood at the top of the second floor steps, trying to think of what my next move would be.  Now I don't know what I thought I was going to do, but I grabbed a bat and proceeded down the stairs to face my intruder head on.

My feet went with caution, fearing that I would step on it or how it could have possibly found a nice warm home under my blankets on the couch.  My imagination was in full gear, with thoughts that as I flipped on the kitchen light, cock roaches would be fleeing the scene or two little mice would be greeting me with some leftover sink food in their mouths.  I flipped the switch on, and as light illuminated the scene of the crime, I found nothing.

Now, I don't know what I would of done if this was not the case, especially with a bat, but screaming and the breaking of innocent clean dishes would have probably been a part of it.  

What did I learn?  No matter what, in the winter time, NO dirty dishes in the sink, and if you want help in catching fury creatures or creepy crawlers at 1:00am, don't rely on your dog or man!

 (Please note: if there was a true threat to my life, Ian would have gotten up and handled the situation, like the true Knight and Shining Armor that he is! ...And if I had to get up at 6:00am for work, I too probably would have stayed in bed..I love you both..xo)

Saturday, January 8, 2011

It's Cold

I hear the scrapping of the sidewalk as my neighbor clears the walkway outside my house.  The unexpected snow is falling at a steady pace now but it seems that the world is not threatened by its presence.  Cars are coming down my little street with determination and fight, while kids hitch a ride on their parents' shoulders so their little feet don't get lost in the snow.

There are four rotting bananas on my counter that are looking to be transformed into some yummy bread.  I  have walked by them now for 3 days, and every day they look more pathetic and ready to be taken into the next world.    Baking on a snowy day may be just what the doctor ordered, besides it will at least bring some extra heat to the first floor.  

It is hard during weather like this not to think about the homeless.  There is a home made of blankets on my block.  I haven't seen the person in some time, but I can't help but wonder where he or she is right now.  Where does one go for shelter when your home, which has a roof made of old sheets and dirty blankets, can't repel the water and dampness from the fallen snow.  

Though times maybe tough for our society, knowing that you have a roof over your head, a hot shower to break the chill, or a dry blanket to wrap around your body, is much more than some have today.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Make it be known!

Yes, many may feel ashamed or embarrassed about their recent unemployment, I did.  But in the truth, you shouldn't be.  My advice to any one is this, make known, shout it from the rooftops that you are unemployed.  Not for sympathy, but for means of survival.  You never know who is looking for a babysitter, house cleaner, or even a dog walker or even better, knows a position that you specialize in.
In this past week I made it public on my facebook page, emailed all friends, and had friends tell friends.  There have been no promises or interviews set yet, but people are looking and helping me.

I will admit, after receiving a very sweet, encouraging card today from my dear friend Laurie, I had a good cry.  It's scary and no matter what it's a position that nobody wants to be in. So after I stopped the sobbing, I pulled myself together, got out of my bathrobe (it was 1:00pm at this time) got lunch on the table, and continued my afternoon.

After a good manicure, by the generosity of my JoMa, and glass of Wild Turkey on the rocks, today turned out not too be so bad!
Miss Birdie 

1 week down who knows how many to go

Well I just finished my first full week.  Its Friday afternoon and its been probably the longest week I have ever experienced in some time.  I really have been trying to make the best of things and got a new routine.
- Get up...at this point this happens when ever I want to or when Birdie decides to sit on me
- Put away all dishes and wash any from the previous night
-  Make a fresh cup of coffee from my new individual french press maker, (note: fabulous gift  for anyone who really loves french press coffee; by  Bodum)
- Get on the computer and check emails
- At this point, I start exploring the Internet world and seeing whats out there

Today I called all my Drs. and made sure appointments got in before the insurance kicked out.  You don't realize how easier life is with perks like insurance.  Yes, the co-pays can be crazy, but it's nice to know you can go and not worry about paying $150.  

I am starting to experience some of the perks of being laid off.  Yesterday I met my close friend Tara for lunch at the Reading Terminal.  As I watched all the other patrons depart and go back to work, I was ok with the thought that I didn't have to rush back to an office for that long afternoon stretch. 

After lunch it was off to the park.  I hadn't been in some time and around 2:30 on a cold winter's day, not too many people were out.  Birdie and I strolled along the Water Works area then looped around front to observe the beautiful view from the top of the museum's stairs, watch the tourist run up the steps "Rocky" style and take a pictures with their arms high in the air imitating the icon next to his statue.  

I think Birdie is getting a suspicious about me being home.  She is not use to being inside all day, being taken out on walks mid-day in the cold, or the luxury of having a nap buddy around 4:00pm.  After our little adventure, we stopped for some coffee over at Gleaners on 9th street and she looked at me shivering and I knew she was thinking "what the hell lady, its cold, you made me go walking without my coat, and know you are sipping some coffee, GET ME HOME" So I did.  She jumped right into Ian's lap and proceeded to bury herself in the blankets.  I am happy that I have her, because now I don't look like some nut talking to herself, I address questions and comments directly to Birdie and for some reason society accepts a person talking to a dog talk like a real person verses a person just talking a loud to oneself.

While not working all day, I have more energy at night to make some fabulous dinners.  Now this will all end once the refrigerator, shelves, and freezer are completely emptied.  But pasta is an affordable and easy thing to make and last night I made a beautiful lasagna from scratch...and I mean from scratch.  I  felt such  a sense of accomplishment!  Yes, I know, its just a casserole, but when your days mostly consist of cleaning dog poop in your back yard and making your bed, creating something from scratch is most rewarding.









First Full Day: January 4th

This is being posted today but I wrote it on the 4th.

Though my news of unemployment happened on January 3rd, for the record , today was the first official day.  Why you ask?   Simply this.  Yesterday I woke up with the idea of having to go to work.  I did the hair, put the face on, and rocked my new brown leather boots.  I did the typical goodbyes, which involves a kiss to my fiance, Ian and hug to my dog, Birdie,  and a final goodbye with the shutting and locking of the door.  
Today none of that happened.  As I felt the bright sun hit my face, I reached for my eye mask knowing I could sleep as long as wanted to.  Of course, for any one who knows Ian, he likes to roll out and begin his morning with music and dancing (very show tune like), I on the hand typically do not embrace the morning with such enthusiasm.  Fortunately, due to my most current situation, Ian has been very sensitive, and no “Oklahoma” was performed.  
As I got up (or should I say when Birdie got me up; her typical behavior for most mornings is to find her way onto the bed and strategically place her body right on mine )I immediately grabbed a cup of coffee and headed for the computer.  Hoping to see some responses from some previous pleas I sent to friends and contacts in the industry, I got more “oh that is terrible” “oh honey, I am so sorry” all very much appreciated, but was hoping for more like “oh no worries, my company just opened a new event planner position and you would be perfect!”. Yeah not the case.  So I started the morning internet search. Checked some major companies, whose job websites were very challenging to navigate through or maybe they just didn’t have anything under the key word I was looking plugging in.  What a fucking headache.  
So then I went to the hotels.  Why is it when you are jobless, you think it would be feasible or even worth considering taking a job at some hotel located in St. Maarten or the Bahamas.  Waking up everyone morning feeling the warmth of the sun, listening to local reggie,  eating jerk chicken,  local seafood, and saying “no problem man” more than you ever have before , doesn’t sound too horrible, or at least tempting to explore the option.  As I started to fill out the forms to see what tropical island would take me, a hit of reality started talking, “You are not going to move to some island and create this island lifestyle for yourself.”  So I quickly closed the window and started searching for some more realistic job options.  Oh yeah, didn’t see any.
It didn’t take long until I was done staring at the screen and knew I had to start this day and get out of my pjs.  I am promising myself today , that every day I will shower, do my face (at least coverup the horrible black circles around my eyes I have inherited) and put on clothes other than my favorite yoga pants.
Once I got myself together, I took Birdie and we sat outside on our front stoop.  I see people doing this all the time in the middle of the day and they seem to enjoy it.  I lasted about 5 minutes.  I don’t know why some think living the unemployment life and reaping the benefits is so great, I am not even 24 hours in and I am bored out of my mind. I turned to my faithful fury friend and asked what I should do today.  Heading out to Barnes and Nobles was the call.  I saw the lunch work crowd out and I can’t believe it , but I was jealous.  Many would think that having off would be great, but I don’t think I realized how much I identified myself and enjoyed having the structure that a job brings.  By two o’clock pm, I finished my quick return and purchased a new day planner, which I still am trying to figure out what events need to be marked in it. (I added birthdays of family and friends just so it looked filled)   I always liked getting my new calendar for the year, it made me excited and felt good that there were things filling the days of each month.  Ugh...................
I should mention, I am getting married so that was a very important date to write in my new, crisp white, September page.   But the rest of the month looked pretty blank.
The money thing makes me nervous.  I try to be smart about deciphering my “wants” from my “needs” but knowing that my financial situation will be changing soon, I felt guilty even using my Barnes and Nobles gift card, which we all know can only be used in purchasing stuff at Barnes and Nobles and not applied to food purchases or heating bills.
After my departure from the book store, I headed home with again the million dollar question, “what now”?  I can imagine most people in the unemployment circle can relate to this feeling, especially if they have become so accustomed to a routine and the hours of their job.  Now I am not saying that I can’t and don’t enjoy time away from that routine, but for some one like me, too much time off, (unless I am traveling and not home) gets boring .  
I knew it was too early and completely unjustifiable to flop my ass on a bar stool at 2:00 in the afternoon, but I tell you,, a cold beer did sound good.  I did promise myself today that I will not drink before 5:00pm on a week day. (by myself that is!)  I do plan on hitting a couple of different happy hours that in the past I missed because of work.  Oh look a positive end.  
After hitting a new local coffee house, which I enjoyed,  even though this obnoxious man kept talking at a volume level that required me to put my head phones on.  I left at 4:30 which made me felt good and I was heading home at a reasonable time.  

Introduction

I have been working  as long as I can remember.   My real first job started around the age of five, which consisted of dusting the living room and washing the bathroom every weekend.  Something my brother and I rotated, and till this day I will always take scrubbing the crusty soap scum off a sink than dust an entertainment center any day!
    As the years went on, I dabbled in all types of jobs like most teenagers and college kids take on, such as a barista, (ok I’ll be honest, I worked at Dunken Donuts and the people that I worked with probably till this day don’t know who or what a barista is, but it sounds so more glamorous) a library assistant (which pretty much meant reading children’s books all day to myself, while I should have been shelving them) and of course my favorite as a nanny. You couldn’t beat this job because it gave me a way to work on my tan when I took the kids to the pool, cook (which is something I love), and pretty much do what ever I wanted to while still making sure they did their summer reading and math workbooks. I must point out, as a child, my mom made me read and do math for the entire summer, and though I know it helped me, I felt the pain of the kids as I watched them cry and pout when I told them it was time for homework.  And yes, I will probably be that mom some day too!
Once I graduated from La Salle University with a degree in Communication,  I started my first “adult” job the day after the diploma was put in my hand.  Unlike other graduates, who rented beach houses in Sea Isle City, worked mindless jobs scooping ice cream or playing shot girl, or backpacking through Europe and enjoying their last summer of freedom before entering the work world, I was traveling across the country  leading committee meetings, and getting a real taste of bills. 
Though I couldn’t take off the entire summer, I did get to crash at my dear friend's  house, who was one of the fortunate ones to escape for the summer, and spent some long weekends living the Jersey Shore life .  
By 24, I was ready for a change of scene and decided to take a new job in Center City.  I was going to be an event planner/caterer and was excited for the new possibilities ahead. I packed my belongings and left the familiarity of La Salle, where I had spent almost 4 years first as a student than as an employee, and headed to the big world of downtown.  
Once I had exhausted myself mentally and physically with that position, I kicked things down a few gears and decided to accept an event planner position with another Philadelphia catering company.  I got to meet some new folks in the industry and saw how a seasoned catering company operated.  Other benefits; working events with guest counts in the 1000s, falling in love with Apple computers, mastering my skills at driving a golf cart, and overall seeing the true animal that catering is.

So as you can see, I am not one to stay still. I like having a schedule, structure and plans for the day ahead.  Event planning is all about outlines, game plans and timelines, I bleed that stuff. And though I love having my days when I can be a bum(ie. sitting on the couch drinking beer, eating nachos, and watching old episodes of “Murder She Wrote”, yes Jessica Fletcher is my girl) that lifestyle is not  one I visit too often .  If I am not working, I spend my time with my fiance, family and friends, attack that “to do” list that lurks in the back of head, and just do things that I love.  Up until yesterday, January 3rd, I felt I had finally gotten a good balance between my personal and professional life.  As I welcomed 2011, I promised myself to keep a positive outlook on the job situation and to continue to be ambitious and remind myself that great things will come.
That all changed at  9:00 am on January 3.  As I walked into work, dressed with a cute green cord skirt, new brown boots,  and I was excited what this first full week back from the holiday would bring.  Well, I was wrong about that.  Before I could even reach the first step that led to the office, I was abruptly approach by the owner and the general manager.  She told me that she and the GM needed to talk with me in the conference room and just by her tone and look,  I could tell taking my coat off and getting coffee first were not options.  I got that sick stomach feeling, knowing something was going down and it was probably me.  As the GM starred into space, depicting a look that she too was ready to vomit, the owner expressed in a nut shell I was being laid off.  Due to the decrease in sales, the company couldn’t afford my position any longer. Well,  as my throat started to swell and the voice shake, a part of me was happy to have this clean break, but the other piece, the one that was making my heart beat to the extent that I thought it was going to jump up through my throat.  The words “ LAID OFF” just seemed to linger in my head, and as I drove home, taking in deep breathes, I was trying think what my game plan was going to be. 
I spent the remainder of the day sending emails to all my contacts and any friend that could help.  Of course, I got right on the unemployment website and officially filed.  I couldn’t believe that it was all happening.  After a few good tears, I pulled myself together and started the painful internet search with the rest of the 9% unemployed.
So in efforts to have structure, goals, and to keep my brain stimulated during these next possible months, I decided to start a series of essays.  I have always been told and thought I have a funny way of interpreting different situations that I personally face or observe in every day life.  Being unemployed, I know I will be observing my life and interactions of others at an even greater extent.   Hell, what’s a better time to start writing and expressing it all then during a time in my life that I have more than enough of FREE TIME!  
Of course the length of this blog will only be determined by how long this unemployment status lasts, but I think many can connect to me, especially the mid-twenty year old, college educated,  career focused woman, who never thought she would be in this predicament.  I see myself as your typical young female professional, just trying to make it work in this world, so hope you enjoy following this new journey and hope it will bring laughs and inspire you and not to give up,  because I’m not!