Someone open that window....please!

I want to let out a big cry this morning, but everything in me is saying "don't do it!"  It will be my one month anniversary in a few days and though I am enjoying the certain perks of unemployment, I find myself getting extremely nervous and upset over the past 48 hours.  Now this could because I have been hibernating in my home for the past few days or that I am currently experiencing PMS, but as much as I try not think about bills and making ends meet, I can't help not to.

It didn't help this morning, when I expressed these concerns to someone and his response was
 "Yeah, I would be scared too, if I were you."  Not exactly the support or encouragement I was looking for.  Hence why right now, as I sip my coffee on this Saturday morning, I want to cry.

How long is this going to last?  The common and classic advice I keep getting is "when a door closes, a new window opens."  My response to that is, it's f#@#!@! cold out and no one is opening any windows!






 

The Process and Age

As you can imagine, I have been filling out many online job applications over the past few weeks.            It's very time consuming and when you hear nothing from these different companies and institutions, one may wonder if it was even worth the hours put in.

If you are not in the unemployment club, you may not realize the tedious steps that need to take place each time you want to submit your resume to a particular job.  There are questionnaires and lengthy profiles that can take up to 10 minutes before even getting your resume up.  Stupid questions, that pretty much make me repeat the same information that is on my resume.  These career links should let us fill out the basic stuff and proceed with the resume submission.  Last week, it was taking so long to complete one,  I started to drift off and then proceeded to click out.  They keep sending me emails telling me I need to complete the online profile.  *&*! them!  I feel like writing and telling them they need to change their system

If that is not frustrating enough, I have come to the painfully realization that I am getting old.  Yes, I know, many of you are rolling your eyes and thinking you are not even 30, but when it comes to selecting the year of my birth, 1983 seems to have gotten farther down on the scroll bar.  I didn't realize it at first, but as I continue to go online, I am noticing that there are a lot of younger peeps out there.   When did this happen?  My year use to be at the top of the list!

It felt like it was yesterday that I just became old enough to drive a car and now I am falling in that too old category.  I suggested an idea to Ian that I try out for the MTV show Real World, but Ian quickly brought it to my attention that I was TOO OLD.  What!!  How can it be that I am in the age bracket that prohibits me from going on a reality show where all you do is talk about your roommates, work a mindless job, eat, drink, and sleep.

Strength in Numbers

As our glasses clinked and a toast was made to friendship, I was overwhelmed with sadness and joy of what I was witnessing before me; a true testament of the strength that radiates through the bonds of girlfriends.  That night, I sat with two of my dearest friends. Through laughter and tears our friendship has grown.  We have played all the roles to one another at some time; the cheerleader, the consoler, the supporter, the confused, and the depressed.  And though currently, we are all trying to keep each other afloat during recent hardships, we have experienced much happiness together as well.  We have had our share of celebrations with libations during the  momentous chapters in our lives.  To graduations, birthdays, engagements, career changes, and kids, all have brought lifelong memories.

This night was long overdue and much needed.  It was a girl power energy reload session. Kid free and open bar.  We could drink, curse, and eat as we pleased.  Like most gatherings, we worked our way through the cheese course, while finishing a bottle of wine.  As the three of us went around, updating on the past weekly events; laughter, frustrations, and fears were expressed.  As I started to sip my third glass of wine, I stared at the women across from me, and felt helpless.  For my unemployment situation is worrisome and problematic,  but it is just a hiccup compared to what my dear friends are facing.  Sitting around the dining room table, we grieved painful past memories and reminisced about the joyful ones.  We reaffirmed to one another the necessity of  survival and the support that will always be there as we go through the chapters of life.

The well being of the mind, body and soul is essential to live the balanced and prosperous life one should being living. And if you don't make those hard decisions and do what is needed, it will prevent you from ever reaching that balance in life, which is so essential to truly living.  When you surround yourself with extraordinary friends, like these women, positive energy and support fills your spirit, which puts you in the right mind set to achieve and maintain balance.

There is something very different between women and men, which I know many would agree on, but this difference can be spotted between the two sexes even more when crisis hits.  The reactions and coping mechanisms vary greatly.  For us women, discussing our fears, anger, and sadness permits our spirits and minds to handle and find solutions to the problems.  We are then more receptive for the positive energy to flow through us and make the necessary changes needed to turn the negative situation into a more tolerable or manageable one.  Now, I am not saying that your boyfriends, fiances, or husbands, can not help or comfort you through challenging times, but their methods and mechanisms differ, and though they may bring a sense assurance and support, I know personally I could have never gotten over roadblocks without the therapy and support received from my girlfriends.

The women in my life, from all ages and backgrounds, impact and shape the being I am.  I do not feel that one ever stays the same, but through lessons of life, influence of others, and exposure to the truth, individuals keep evolving to be the woman or man God wants them to be.

You may ask, why aren't we just born that way? My answer to that is just this; we would not appreciate the triumphs and beauty in succeeding and overcoming the challenges.  We would also take for granted the people in our life and overlook the power and influence they bring.

As our girl's weekend came to end, we departed rejuvenated and refreshed.  After giving  good-bye hugs and planning our next get together, I could not help, but feel a peace in my spirit.  I was reassured as I left that day,  that no matter where the road takes us or what barracks try to hold us back, with the help and support  of those closest to us, we will always make it.

Therapy

There are different forms of therapy I would suggest to overcome the mundane and every day routine that unemployment brings.  Besides the normal methods typically suggested, such as exercising, yoga, and writing in a journal, I will present you with this.  

I must warn you that you may be at risk of falling, if it not performed in a cautious manner.  

My suggestion; DANCING.  Singing in the shower is something that we all can admit to doing at some point.  Last week, as I was feeling a bit down and exhausted from the job searching on the computer, I decided to put some happy go lucky music on.  As the song “Don’t Worry Be Happy” filled the steamy bathroom, I became hypnotized by the words and the addictive upbeat whistling.  Before I knew it, I was two stepping in my tub, whistling and singing. While sporting my fluffy pink and purple robe,  I proceeded to rock out to a few more songs in front of my mirror.  The more I danced, not only did I realize how out of shape I am, more importantly,  I felt this rush of excitement and inspiration.  The  instruments were speaking to me with each note they played and a burst of energy hit my spirit.   

Give it a shot.  Do it naked, do it with clothes on, either way just dance and release the tension, anxieties, and worries that are weighing on you.  

My Heros

As I laid on the couch last evening facing another night of insomnia, I heard something coming from the kitchen.  I quickly sat up thinking it was possibly the surround sound, but when I hit mute, I soon discovered it was anything but.  There was something in my kitchen sink and who knows where else.  Fear took over and I couldn't bear to go where the intruder could be lurking around.

As the hair on my arms raised and the little girl in me came out, I ran upstairs to awake my ever so faithful protective dog and my big strong fiance. "Ian, Ian!" nothing.  I looked at Birdie and pleaded with her to come downstairs to fight off the hairy or spiny creature in the kitchen.  As I yanked on her collar, trying to pull out of her plush baby blue bed, she gave me a look as if she was telling me to go #@$% myself.  I tried Ian again and when I got a "uh" I thought he was coming to, but I was wrong!  After pleading for one last time, the sleeping beauty just laid there all cozy in the down comforter, with not even a peep.  At this point, I figured I had to face this alone.

I went down the spiral staircase, frightened of what could be possibly now in the living room.  I stood at the top of the second floor steps, trying to think of what my next move would be.  Now I don't know what I thought I was going to do, but I grabbed a bat and proceeded down the stairs to face my intruder head on.

My feet went with caution, fearing that I would step on it or how it could have possibly found a nice warm home under my blankets on the couch.  My imagination was in full gear, with thoughts that as I flipped on the kitchen light, cock roaches would be fleeing the scene or two little mice would be greeting me with some leftover sink food in their mouths.  I flipped the switch on, and as light illuminated the scene of the crime, I found nothing.

Now, I don't know what I would of done if this was not the case, especially with a bat, but screaming and the breaking of innocent clean dishes would have probably been a part of it.  

What did I learn?  No matter what, in the winter time, NO dirty dishes in the sink, and if you want help in catching fury creatures or creepy crawlers at 1:00am, don't rely on your dog or man!

 (Please note: if there was a true threat to my life, Ian would have gotten up and handled the situation, like the true Knight and Shining Armor that he is! ...And if I had to get up at 6:00am for work, I too probably would have stayed in bed..I love you both..xo)

It's Cold

I hear the scrapping of the sidewalk as my neighbor clears the walkway outside my house.  The unexpected snow is falling at a steady pace now but it seems that the world is not threatened by its presence.  Cars are coming down my little street with determination and fight, while kids hitch a ride on their parents' shoulders so their little feet don't get lost in the snow.

There are four rotting bananas on my counter that are looking to be transformed into some yummy bread.  I  have walked by them now for 3 days, and every day they look more pathetic and ready to be taken into the next world.    Baking on a snowy day may be just what the doctor ordered, besides it will at least bring some extra heat to the first floor.  

It is hard during weather like this not to think about the homeless.  There is a home made of blankets on my block.  I haven't seen the person in some time, but I can't help but wonder where he or she is right now.  Where does one go for shelter when your home, which has a roof made of old sheets and dirty blankets, can't repel the water and dampness from the fallen snow.  

Though times maybe tough for our society, knowing that you have a roof over your head, a hot shower to break the chill, or a dry blanket to wrap around your body, is much more than some have today.

Make it be known!

Yes, many may feel ashamed or embarrassed about their recent unemployment, I did.  But in the truth, you shouldn't be.  My advice to any one is this, make known, shout it from the rooftops that you are unemployed.  Not for sympathy, but for means of survival.  You never know who is looking for a babysitter, house cleaner, or even a dog walker or even better, knows a position that you specialize in.
In this past week I made it public on my facebook page, emailed all friends, and had friends tell friends.  There have been no promises or interviews set yet, but people are looking and helping me.

I will admit, after receiving a very sweet, encouraging card today from my dear friend Laurie, I had a good cry.  It's scary and no matter what it's a position that nobody wants to be in. So after I stopped the sobbing, I pulled myself together, got out of my bathrobe (it was 1:00pm at this time) got lunch on the table, and continued my afternoon.

After a good manicure, by the generosity of my JoMa, and glass of Wild Turkey on the rocks, today turned out not too be so bad!